Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you will always have a special place in my vag
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
