I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
