I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
