I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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