Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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