I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
