dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
