All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
