I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
