How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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