Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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