Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
