Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
we should paint friendship bongs
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