plz talk dirty to me
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
True college students do jello shots in the library
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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