Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
