So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
