I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
