my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
