I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
