I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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