I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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