It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
