Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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