why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
