Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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