just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
