so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
