insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We smell like vodka and hangover
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