o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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