I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
