Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
