think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
