You work out of a Hotel?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
it glows. i had to have it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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