The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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