so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
