dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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