yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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