I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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