and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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