You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
