He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
