Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
