You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just high enough for therapy.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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