just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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