he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
