Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
