You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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