so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
