I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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