whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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