i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
