The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
In other news, I just burned my penis
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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