I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
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Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
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I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize