i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
