Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
