Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
