there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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