My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
