I'm gonna have a badass scar
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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