that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Panties = found
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
