i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
