erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
