i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
