SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
