If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
