Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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