Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
